Lonely
by L.Lawliet.Lover
Summary: "It'll be lonely, won't it?" It's more than loneliness that Light is feeling, but he can't bring himself to accept anything more. Or less. Short one-shot.


**A/N: **Merely practicing my writing ability. Nothing too special to say about this one.

(This story is told in Light's POV.)

* * *

I shouldn't be upset. I should be quite thrilled, really. Everything is fitting in to my advantage. Misa got her eyes back, I got my Death Note back, and I recieved the title 'L'. Misa and I moved into an apartment together, which has helped us in our mission to cleanse this world of evil. All suspicion has been cleared of my name, and at the same time, my arch-nemesis L has also been wiped from my life. All obstacles are out of the way. I can almost see my perfect utopia in the horizon.

_But it isn't enough, is it?_

I feel a little emptiness in the pit of my stomach. There's no reason why I should. As I said before, everything is finally going my way for once. With L out of my life, no one stands in my way! I can achieve what I have strived for from the very beginning! ...These are the words of encouragement I say to myself. But it doesn't help. If anything, it makes the numbness grow stronger.

L passed away only a few months ago. Life was pretty slow for a while, but with me assuming the role as L and quickly putting the investigation back into full gear, the task force gradually got over the loss of their leader. They began to look up to me instead.

Foolish.

They would search to find a Kira they would never capture. I can almost pity them. All of the signs are there; we've made no new breaks in the case since L died. How can they not catch on? They just blindly follow every direction and order I give to them, as if automatically assuming every word that leaves my mouth is the truth. Can't they question me for once? Just a little? Excercise my overrested mind?

_Be a bit more like L?_

No, that can't be it. It's not like I would actually miss or long to have him around again. Why would I miss being suspected over everything I said? Having every move I make being analyzed? How could I miss the twenty-four hour surveillance? Having his dark eyes watch me when I sleep, work, eat, or use the restroom... How could I miss any of that? He was a nuisance.

_But you enjoyed it. _

I guess it's true that the mind games we played with each other really kept me on my toes, but I wouldn't go so far as to say I enjoyed it. He ripped away my privacy for over three months. Sure, I suppose I set it up to be like that, but that doesn't mean I liked it in any way, shape, or form.

_What about what he said on the rooftop?_

That? Why bring that up? What L said that day was just a bunch of nonsense. Even today I can't decipher what he said, besides just brushing it off L slowly losing it. It did eerily sound like he almost predicted that that day would be is last, but no one has that kind of power. He was probably just trying to intimidate me, like the day he told me his true identity at the university...

_How is that emptiness you were talking about?_

...What are you trying to say? It gets stronger and weaker at times, but it certainly isn't caused by thinking about L... I'm thrilled that he's gone. I wouldn't have it any other way, even if I could go back in time and stop Rem myself. I planned his death right down to the last second of his life. Had I cared even a little about him I would have stopped it from occuring.

_But you had to watch him die._

I also watched Raye Penber, that bank robber, and that motorcycle scum die. If watching one of my victims die was the cause of this emptiness, then it would have occured when I killed them as well. I suppose it is sort of true that this feeling starting occuring after L was executed, but it's only natural that my mind would miss being challenged daily. It comes straight from the detective part of my mind, the part that enjoys solving puzzles. It has nothing to do with my emotions...

_You cared for him. _

Did I not just get through with saying that my emotions have nothing to do with this? There isn't a fiber of my being that cared for his wellbeing, nor will you ever convince me otherwise. If L was here today then he would say the same thing. We both lied and decieved each other on multiple occasions. If there is any one emotion that I have for him... it's hate.

_Denial is not just a river in Egypt._

...I'm not in denial! How does me speaking my true and honest feelings make me in denial? I think you're getting desperate on things to pin me with...

_You decieved him._

We both decieved each other. I already said that! Quit trying to make me seem like I'm the bad guy! L got what he deserved.

_He considered you friend; he said it himself._

He was lying - we were both lying!

_Your heart is beating very loudly._

I - I don't know why that's the case! What have I done to deserve this?

_How is that emptiness now?_

W-Who are you! What are you doing to me?

_I am your conscious. I am making you feel guilty for what you did to L Lawliet._

Well, cut it out! I don't need to feel guilty! L deserved to die; he was standing in the way of Kira's dream! My utopia! You can't convince me otherwise!

_I believe that has already been done._

* * *

Light jolted up in his bed, his heart pounding in his chest. It must have just been a dream_..._He chuckled slightly. More like a nightmare. _But that voice... And this feeling... What is this? It's much stronger that I'm used to... _Light's hand gripped his pounding chest, small pants making their way past his soft lips as he stared down at the white sheets covering his body.

_Is something bothering you?_

Light's breath hitched in his throat. His heart did backflips in his chest, and a prickle of happiness lit in his eye. _That voice. _His head whipped around in every angle possible, but all he was met with was his dark apartment bedroom. His heart sank. He must have been hallucinating. Hearing things because he was exhausted from working.

_Have you figured out why I was sad that day?_

There it was again. This time Light's hands scrambled to the lamp on his night stand and switched it on. Bright light flooded into the bedroom, illuminating every dark crevice. But there was no one there. Why wasn't anyone there?

For no reason that Light could thing of, tears slowly pricked at the edges of his eyes. The emptiness in the pit of his stomach burst into deep sorrow in a split second. His body bent over, his elbows propping up his body on the soft mattress. His hands found his face and caramel hair and held it in a fierce grip. The movement was so sudden that it shook the bed.

"Mmm... Light? What's wrong?" Misa's drowsy voice questioned from beside him.

Light didn't answer, but his shoulders quivered with the sudden wave of emotion. It was something that he wasn't familiar with; a feeling that hasn't bothered his emotional core in a while. The grip on his hair tightened as his eyes widened. _Why am I feeling this way...? Whose voice is haunting me?_

Misa reached out with a tentative hand at his silence. "Light...?"

Again, Light didn't respond. Misa's company wasn't something that could make him feel any better. His hands were clinging desperately to his honey brown hair, desperate to find out what was happening to him. His mind was racing, and the voice was echoing in his ears. He started to feel as if he was going insane; the thousands of murders he committed finally having some affect on his concious. _No, that can't be it... I'm doing no wrong. I know that. So why do I feel this way...?_

_Do you feel lonely yet?_

The soft, quiet voice murmured right next to his ear. His entire body went numb in recognition. Brown eyes still wide, silent tears began to stream down his face.

The voice was L's.


End file.
